I also wanted to help my friend. Let’s call him “Andrew” for now. I did not want to make him feel bad about his weight, but I didn’t want him to lose his sight or a foot to diabetes. I didn’t want to walk around with a man who was barely forty who was so heavy he had to walk with a cane. I saw so much potential in him that I don’t think he even saw in himself.

Now, conventional wisdom would advise that you cannot “change” a man and it is disrespectful, futile, and even kind of cruel to see anyone as a “fixer upper.” But hey, I’m a fixer upper. No one WANTS to be fat and anyone who is fat sure as hell knows it. They do not need to be reminded. What they do have to be reminded of is that they are loved and that they can get healthy again. Shame or conditional love will not produce real change in anyone.

The truth is that I do love him. I would love him even in the state he was in and if that never changed, it would be okay. He loved me for the mess I was in. I still would have occasional crying fits over my ex-husband whenever I had to go to the old house to get some furniture or deal with the dogs in whom we still kind of share custody. I was kind of homeless when I moved up here and I was pretty broke. The “savings” I had for the move went really quickly and I still had to borrow money from the bank for a deposit and first month’s rent on my apartment. I could have borrowed it or received a gift from my family for the expenses, but I rather answer to the bank at 6.5% interest for the next two years rather than answer to my family with 100% guilt and obligation forever.

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Last-modified: 2021-04-02 (金) 04:13:23 (15d)