While I'm being fed the finest grapes in the land, by only the worlds finest women, my name is called down from the heavens above. It must be my turn to show the world what being a man is all about.

I kick off my shoes, mount, no wait, wrap, no wait, there's no way to say it without it sounding gay. I get on top of the bull, choke it's rope tighter than I have ever choked the great Tower of Babel. Excuse me, did I say the great Tower of Babel? I meant my dick; It's hard not to confuse the two.

YAAAH!! I smack it's ass. GIDDY UP! I kick it with the back of my foot. I point out to the crowd, who is surely watching how awesome I am, and the bull takes off. I let go of the rope. Look maw, no hands, and I ride it for what seems like forever. I finally let it throw me off, as I am getting tired of making myself look good.

OK, back to reality. My hand is burning like hell. Fucking rope. Head spinning. I'm fine, I'm fine. Hold on, I didn't eat dinner, I'm trashed, and I just spun around. Far from fine. I need to go to the restroom. I'm cool. I never puke because I am the man. I just regurgitate it and eat it again.

God, oh god. The spinning, it won't stop. My stomach. No stalls open, no toilets. The sink or the floor? The sink or the floor? I'll take my chances with the sink. "Assanova did you just puke in my fucking sink!?". It was either that or the floor. Which would you have preferred to clean up?

No more beer. I leave my Budweiser behind...

Big Country: "Assanova, let's get some girls!"

Why do you need me to get girls? You're a big boy. 20 minutes later, Where's my fucking beer!?! I walk back to the restroom. Two guys standing near it. They know better than to touch the untouchable. Give me my fucking beer!!! I look them in their eyes. They cower at the sight of the legendary hurricane that some call Assanova. I snatch my unfinished Budweiser and walk out. Fucking bull.

Big Country: "Let's get some girls??"

Oh, so you think you can invite your friends out and then ignore us, eh? Seven girls to yourself? I don't think so. After being ignored for 20 or so minutes, the three of us introduce ourselves. The guy who invited us out leaves to go get a beer...

Raspy Chick: "All of you, sit down, sit down. Now! I don't want him sitting next to me. He keeps hitting on me and I don't like him like that."

OK, so she must be the girl that he's after. That means the rest are fair game. One of the hotter brunettes starts talking to us, when a random white guy who is with them approaches...

White Guy: "I can't believe that he isn't fucking her yet."

Me: "Huh? We just met her five minutes ago."

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Last-modified: 2021-11-04 (木) 01:35:02 (398d)